So, a day ago, I was so elated to have all this creative energy, to have finished John's portrait, and to start several new projects. Tonight, I had an amazing photoshoot with a model that will be a new creative outlet, and will be fodder for new work. But I'm feeling oddly isolated and empty. I'm not sure why. I almost want to cry. I was working on this sketch absent-mindedly but all I wanted to do was curl up in a fetal position and let someone else take the reigns of my life for a while. I know I'm doing my own thing for the first time in ages, starting new work that will hopefully be the fulfillment my creative life hasn't been for a while, but I think I might be afraid to take matters into my own hands.
Monday, April 14, 2008
At War
So, a day ago, I was so elated to have all this creative energy, to have finished John's portrait, and to start several new projects. Tonight, I had an amazing photoshoot with a model that will be a new creative outlet, and will be fodder for new work. But I'm feeling oddly isolated and empty. I'm not sure why. I almost want to cry. I was working on this sketch absent-mindedly but all I wanted to do was curl up in a fetal position and let someone else take the reigns of my life for a while. I know I'm doing my own thing for the first time in ages, starting new work that will hopefully be the fulfillment my creative life hasn't been for a while, but I think I might be afraid to take matters into my own hands.
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5 comments:
that's exactly how i felt years ago, that's why i let God take the reigns from my hands. i havent had that empty feeling eversince! :-) I wish you the same peace, love and joy! and i love this drawing, it should be in your book, too.
I think that kind of depression is inevitable after a big creative burst. The initial burst gets you thinking that everything's going to be perfect and wonderful and fulfilling from now on... and when it doesn't quite work that way (because your mind will always come up with new hurdles to cross) suddenly everything seems hopeless.
This is an interesting sketch, though. I'm looking forward to seeing where you take it.
I like to think that some things should remain unfinished, and in that respect, are already finished. Almost like the Japanese concept of wabi-sabi
I do understand your comments about wanting someone to take the reigns of your life for a while. I've always had a persistent fantasy of falling to the ground in tears and having a mass of strangers gather me up and carry somewhere, anywhere, and I would just feel bouyed by the warmth of their care.
Sadly, I'd just get my wallet taken and still be on the sidewalk having people sidestep me like a sideshow attraction that got out of its cage.
Your work is great. Your sketches appear effortless. I envy you. But you have given me courage to keep working on my own art. You blog is a daily dose of "I know I can do this, too."
Thank you.
Thanks for sharing, Matt. I hope you'll share your artwork with me as well.
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