I like the original sketch, but I spent today looking at illustrations online. I tend towards clean, realized work in my head, but when I sketch for the fun of it, I just go with the flow. And some of my online friends seem to like my rougher, more natural linework. Anyhow, I just played with this one... not loving the shading, butI'm sure it will evolve further in the next day or so if the last drawing was any indication.
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